Resilience. Rejection, it's Okay.

Entrepreneurs. Would you say that you're 'Resilient'? I'm not referring to your outward perseverance or "I don't take 'No' for an answer" approach. I'm referring to, when you're at home thinking through your day, are you completely defeated by 'rejection', or is there a spark that keeps you going? Is your inner response "I'll show them", or are you truly fine with honouring their right to be the captain of their own lives? Can you 'Love Beyond Rejection'?


Revisiting Rejection. Let's Face It.

What is your immediate response, for example, to someone who:

  1. Completely disagrees with your engagement offerings and style?
  2. Drops out of your program early or steps back from a project?
  3. Leaves your webinar, workshop, speaking engagement mid-talk?
  4. Doesn't follow you, or worse Unfollows you, on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc?
  5. Unsubscribes from your e-Newsletter?

Nobody's watching your response to this, so be honest with yourself. Do you (immediately):

  1. Second-guess your decision and play it over and over in your mind?
  2. Go after them for not being able to commit, or offer some other critique?
  3. Make snarky comments about those who've left mid-talk?
  4. Unfollow them immediately (I mean, there's a reason tools like Tweepi exist!)?
  5. Unsubscribe from their e-Newsletter?

Again, be honest. It's important to face how you feel and 'get it off your chest' before we continue. The reality is that, being human, until you've been through the same rejection several times, processed them properly and put them in their proper place, it's going to hurt. Be okay with that. It's how you feel!

A Brief Analysis

Now, your feelings are absolutely fine. What matters, here, is how you respond. Stepping back from the emotion of it, seeing the big picture, helps.

So what's the big picture? It's this: Not everyone is a good fit. Whether that's because of timing, training, experience, culture... is not relevant here. Once you're able to accept that not everyone is a good fit, it will be easier to release 'rejection' as 'incompatibility'. It helps to start by acknowledging your own criteria for compatibility. When you give yourself permission to like, dislike, participate or not, in what you really want - really resting in your truth - it's far easier to internally give others the same permission to respond to you in their truth.

Beyond compatibility, what matters is that we are either able to supply what they need, value or desire, or not - as viewed by them. That need could be validation, service, even a specific work style. 

All relationships do A, B and/or C:

  • A. YOU HELP THEM. Here, they actually need, value, desire what you offer.
  • B. YOU HELP EACH OTHER. Here, you each need, value, desire what the other offers.
  • C. YOU'RE HELPED BY THEM. Here, you actually need, value, desire what they offer.

Relationships are complex, we're always in all states, whether we see it or not. The identified 'rejection', then, is merely the interaction you're focused on at the moment.

Resilience. Loving Beyond Rejection.

Now, you probably already see where I'm going with this, but just in case you don't, here it is. When someone rejects you, if you can recognize that it is about their personal needs, values and desires, and not about your absolute value, you will be able to:

  • Honour their right to choose,
  • Recognize that letting them go leaves room for those who are a better fit,
  • Truly release them, with the best wishes - regardless of how they behave.

That's more time, energy and brain space for those who are compatible. 

Social Media. A Perfect Example

Let me ask:

  1. Why should those who don't follow us, or who unfollow us, not do so? Is it because the hype says they should? Is it because you followed them, so they're obligated?
  2. More, why do we follow those whose offers we don't need, value or invest in? Is it because you feel obligated? Do you even read what they share?

Isn't it better to have 50 real client or prospect followers, than 5,000 'polite' 1-time visitors who'll never read or buy? In the reverse, when you follow, if what they share is not relevant to you, or your clients, you're not likely to buy, share or even read. Is it really kind of you to follow? Is it even kind to you? What does your newsfeed look like? Noisy, busy or focused?

Want Some Clarity for Your Unique Situation?

Let's connect! Get tips on this and more on Successiory e-News (subscribe)Facebook, LinkedInTwitterGoogle Plus and Pinterest. Social media works best when your business works well, and your clients know exactly how you help them. Long-term clients happen when your clients feel safe to be. Resilience helps you create that space. For more on this, CLICK HERE.

Crystal-Marie S

(2016-Aug-18) On paper, my career began in 2001, spans Successiory (2009), my MBA from the Schulich School of Business (2010), two countries and several industries, including business strategy, social media consulting, environmental and engineering consulting, higher education and more (see LinkedIn). 

In 2015, I was nominated for Canadian Association of Marketing Professionals (CAMP) Awards,Entrepreneur of the Year and became an bestseller on August 9th 2015. I spoke at 12 events in 2015 alone, including several GroYourBiz Advisory Boards, Bank of Montreal (paid), Iler Campbell’s Tools Conference and Toronto Public Libraries’ Small Business (sometimes paid) series. I think I love speaking!

On a personal note, I'm an MBA, entrepreneur, millennial, dancer, author and so much more yet, like you, I don't fit the stereotypes. After years of workaholism and the health and relationship losses that go with that lifestyle, I've stopped 'paying lip service' to terms like authenticity, self care and sustainability. My health scare pushed me into living them. Here's hoping I can inspire you to live and work better without learning the hard way. Welcome. Still curious? More here...

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